Unsettled, Unsure, but Unafraid


Compelling title, no?

Have you ever noticed how so many of the un- words are negative, and how almost all of them can be used as adjectives to describe people? Unsure, unconfident, unwilling, unforgiving, etc. I suppose with a prefix like un- you can expect a certain level of negativity...un- words have always dragged up images of people waffling between two different positions without ever committing, people who can't seem to get the hang of things, and people who seem just plain lost. I think, at one time or another, we've all been un-people. We've all had that moment of unsurety in which we couldn't see what was ahead. We've all been so angry at someone or something that we've thought something along the lines of, "I'll never forgive _____!" And, of course, we've all been in that place of obstinate refusal to something we think is wrong, incorrect, or just plain stupid.

However, I don't think all the un-words are bad. Not all of them describe unenviable (hehe) character traits. Not all of them are unnerving. (Ok, I'll stop with the un-puns.)

Unafraid, for example, is a very powerful un-word that doesn't necessarily have to be negative. Someone who is unafraid is more typically classified as being brave and courageous. And that's the clincher, I think. "Un-" in and of itself isn't necessarily bad. It all depends on the word that follows after it.

It sort of reminds me of the way that all humans are sinful. We've turned our backs on God. We're all un-people - living in an active state of negating what God created us to be and to do. However, I also know that God has provided a way for us stubborn un-people to redefine the un-ness in our life. Instead of being unwillful, unfaithful, and untrusting...we can be unafraid, undoubting, and unstoppable. If we're willing to give our dreams, our plans, and our schemes over to Him, He'll turn them around and fill them with all the cool and exciting un-words you can think of. We'll get to live lives filled with the negating of the negative. And as every mathematics student knows...a negative times a negative equals a positive.

Yah, I know. I am pretty random, but I have been doing a lot of thinking and pondering this week. Questioning a lot of things I usually don't question and wondering about things I usually don't wonder about.

I'm unsettled, for sure, because I can't really know what law school is going to be like until I actually get. I'm having to leave behind family, friends, and familiarity to enter into this new phase of my life. Quote frankly, it's left me a bit unsettled. I often wonder, "Am I making the right choice? Did God really call me to this, or have I just superimposed my schemes on top of His? And how can I tell the difference between what is mine and what is His?"

Teaching is familiar. Teaching is safe. I can live at home, meet some nice guy, get married, have a family, and live forever in the happy little bubble of my classroom and home. That was all there....right in front of me. I even had an interview with one of the top schools in the district. I could have so easily taken the "simpler" way...the familiar way.

But then I remember that oftentimes God calls His children into uncomfortable and unsettling situations. If Abraham hadn't left everything he knew behind, he would never have experienced one-eighth of the blessings that God had in store for Him. While I in no way am being forced to literally abandon home and hearth (I can always come back to visit), I can finally understand a little of how Abe must have felt.

Leaving behind things is tough. It's hard, and I'm not kidding. Frankly, it really sucks at the beginning.

I just finished reading "The Unlikely Disciple" by Kevin Roose. The plot line goes a little something like this: Roose (an uber-secular, Ivy league student) took a semester off to attend Liberty University, one of the most conservative evangelical Christian colleges in the nation. He writes about his time on the other side of what he terms the "God divide." His experiences are eye-opening and thought-provoking.

While I read this book, a part of me envied the Liberty students. I envied their safety and sameness. These are the kids who really do live out the ring-by-spring mentality. They enter into this sheltered, clostered world of Christianity and never really have to face the harsh realities of the messy world outside Lynchburg for four years. It's a safe haven, and that really appeals to me right now.

On the other hand, I found myself honestly thinking about my own beliefs and how they stack up to this particular branch of Christianity. I don't agree with a lot of the things they teach and preach, and I wonder if I might not stick out as a bit of a rebel there. A college degree and four years in a public university can do that to you, I suppose. I don't believe it is beneficial for young people to constantly be coddled and spoon-fed their beliefs, and I think that is what happens a lot of times in the more sheltered Christian environments.

Roose's experiences kept making me think back to a concert experience I had a few years ago. It's probably one of the closest things I have to compare with his Liberty U experience. I went to a Stephen Curtis Chapman concert, and I remember leaving there on such a spiritual high. Being in a room with thousands of other believers, praising God and lifting up His name is amazing. You know (without a doubt) that your faith is true and all your doubts virtually disappear in an environment like that.

My high school was a lot like that too. You're surrounded by Christian kids, pastors, and teachers. The environment is so positive. I took a lot of chances at that school and grew as a person because I felt so safe.

I've now lived on both sides of the God divide (more or less). I know how easy it is to believe and grow in your faith when you're surrounded by other like-minded people. However, I can't help but wonder if that is really faith? Or is it more of a group response? Are you just towing the line...following the crowd? The real test of faith is when the rubber hits the road and you're right smack in the middle of a world that thinks God is either an impersonal force and nonexistent. It grills you when you're surrounded by people who think you're crazy for living the "Bible-thumping" life. They question your beliefs about everything, and they oftentimes write you off as intolerant or misinformed. You get labeled by the world because you follow Christ, and life is not so crystal-clear and pristine.

Which is why I have recently come to the conclusion that I need to be absolutely, 100% certain of my faith. What do I believe, why do I believe it, and how do I plan to take my firm stand in that belief? I've been questioning God - asking Him all the tough questions. And I plan to keep on doing that because I want to remain faithful and steadfast to the end. If Christianity is true (which I believe it is), then what you decide about Christ and God's word will effect everything else in your life. You'll be different because of what you believe, and what you decide about Christ is hands-down the most important decision you can ever make. I know this...

I had a dream the other night...it was kind of weird...but here it is:

I'm sitting in this park, and all these worries about faith and God are going through my head. I know that this decision is the most important one I can ever make. What am I going to do with the promises of God? What of Jesus? Will I be a waffler Christian...who goes through the motions but never really breaks through to the core of things? That is just so not me at all. I'm either 100% in this...or 100% out. I can't do halfway, so I need to cement my faith.

All these things are rolling around in my head, and I'm just sitting in this park with all the trees and the little squirrels and people milling around me. Then, this guy sits down next to me. He just starts reading his paper, completely minding his own business, and I'm still sitting there thinking about deep and life-changing things with the speed of a Nascar racer. Out of nowhere, I stop and look at him. I say, "I think I'm a bad Christian. Because I have all these questions, and I want all these answers. I think my doubt is a bad thing..."

(Never mind that this guy is a complete stranger, and I should probably feel bad for jumping him like this...but it's a dream...so oh well.)

He folds his paper on his lap and looks at me. Then he says, "No, I don't think so."

I'm all ready for him to agree in the affirmative with me, so his answer throws me a bit. I say, "What? You agree or disagree?"

He replies, "No, I don't think your questions make you a bad Christian. I think your questions please God, and I think He would be upset if you stopped asking them. He's not afraid of your questions, and you shouldn't be afraid to ask them."

I continue to stare...thinking in my dream about what he's just said. He continues, "I would be more worried about a Christian who doesn't ask questions. Keep asking those questions. It's the only way you'll get any answers."

I nod at him and say thanks for the advice. I go back to staring straight ahead, and he returns to his newspaper.

And then I wake up. And I have this unsettling feeling that I've just had one of those dreams that people only have once or twice in their entire lives. I have a feeling that I've just had a dream that does, in fact, have a huge amount of importance for my waking hours. And I feel, for the first time in a while, that it's okay for me to be unsure and unsettled. It's okay for me to question God and to really probe for answers. And I know, in that odd way that you somethimes just KNOW something without really knowing WHY, that my faith isn't going to sputter out in law school. On the contrary, law school and all the changes to come might just be God's way of taking me by the hand and reaffirming everything I've ever believed in as a child.

Unsettled, unsure, but unafraid. That's me right now....an un-person serving a God who specializes in taking the negatives and creating something positive.

Till next time,
Melissa

Student teaching is finished!

And it was SO hard to say goodbye! Granted, I'll be back in two weeks to help proctor the EOGs, but I am still missing those kiddies.

They gave me a good luck party! It was so sweet and funny! After lunch, my CT went to pick up the kids and I stayed behind in the room to continue leveling the books on the computer. I was trying to get the entire collection finished by the end of the day, and I was almost done. Anywho, a few minutes go by, and three of my students walk into the room. The girl was like, "Miss Hyland, we're on lunch duty today, and we can't find the class."

I'm thinking, "How could you lose the group? It's just been a few minutes!" So I ask her, "What do you mean you lost the group?" She continues to tell me about how she was a table washer...the class left the cafeteria...and now she can't find them. I immediately think my CT must have taken them out to recess because we had to have indoor playtime earlier due to rain. So I start walking down the hall with the three students, trying to find the class. We reach the complete other end of the school, and then we see them. And they see me. And they start screaming, "Go away, Miss ______! You can't be here right now!!"

I'm like..."Oh! I'm not supposed to be here!" So I turn around and walk back to the room. They all burst in yelling, "Surprise!!" Haha. Gotta love kids! I was so surprised and happy! We all had cake and punch! It was great!! :)

I will miss those kiddies. There were a lot of hugs and tears all around. They made me promise and swear I would be back for EOGs to visit. I promised. Third graders are awesome!

Even one of the little boys - who always acts so macho tough - gave me a hug! He ran up behind me, and I was like, "Who is behind me? Is that who I think it is!?" He was like, "I will miss you so much, Miss Hyland!" He was crying!! It broke my heart!

Student teaching had its ups and its downs, and I was really stressed all semester by the thesis. But, at the end of the day, I really loved working with the kids. They made everyday fun and exciting. They grew on me...and I will miss them!! So, despite all the stress of student teaching...I would say the kids made the whole experience worthwhile! :)

Not much else to blog about. I graduate in 7 days!! Wow! Time surely does fly, and God surely is great and good! He has blessed me so much in my college years!

Till next time,
Melissa

Oh! New song update! For all the country fans and love song fans out there....check out "Then" by Brad Paisley! It is SOOOOO good. Trust me. :)

I admit...this blog update is a LONG time in coming. I suppose you can always judge the state of my busyness by the frequency of my blog updates. (I would also add the regularity of my blog updates...but that just doesn't sound quite right...)

I haven't updated in a while, which means I've been extraordinarily more busy than I usually am. What, I wonder, would I do with genuine free time? I have no clue...as I haven't had that luxury in years.

Anywho, some major decisions have been made! Some major projects are finished! And student teaching is practically finished!

This week was probably the craziest of all my weeks this past semester. On Monday, my Cooperating Teacher observed me for the LAST time. On Tuesday, I defended my thesis before a panel of three professors. It was on of the most stressful and scary things I have ever done. But I survived...and with honors, no less. On Wednesday, my Cooperating Teacher videotaped me teaching for the LAST time. On Thursday, my University Supervisor observed me for the fourth and FINAL time.

Whew. Just reading the preceding paragraph makes me tired!

What, you might be wondering, does all this mean? I am more than happy to explain...

(1) My student teaching observations are finished. My grade is in the bag. My US told me I was her shining star. She told me I had nothing to worry about in my final grade...which I am thinking means I will get an A in student teaching! She also asked me if I was still absolutely certain that I wasn't going to start teaching next year. I told her I was positively decided on that point. Student teaching semester is finished! It was a whirlwind! Yay! :)

(2) My honors committee required me to make only a few more formatting edits to my final thesis. They awarded me a grade of A, which means that I will walk with honors on May 9th! A year's worth of research and 60 pages later...and I have a "special" history degree. I feel special. History major is completed...finished...done! :)

Honestly, though....that defense literally wiped me out mentally. I felt the same way after the defense that I felt after the LSAT....like I never wanted to think again. I was brain dead. I slept deeply that night.... :)

(3) UNC Law...here I come! Carolina Law Class of 2012!! I've made my deposit. I'm all set to go! I am going apartment hunting tomorrow. Hopefully I will find something. I've been e-mailing back and forth with a few people who will also be grad students at UNC next year about renting out a place together. I'm trusting that God will guide me in this big decision of where to live and whom to room with. Pray for me, ya'll. I don't want another year of psycho roomie that I had freshman year in undergrad!!

And it's wicked sweet that I'll be starting up law school on the heels of a Tar Heel NCAA championship! Did anyone see how UNC students lit bonfires and burned Duke shirts the night after the championship? That'll be me...next year. Sweet. :)

You'll be shocked to hear that I actually watched the basketball tournament. My Dad commented on how great it is to spend quality time with me watching bball. He never thought he'd be doing that with me! For the first time in my life (ever), I am into college sports. I finally have something worth cheering over....it's great to be a UNC Tar Heel. :)

Yah. So. All my projects are finished. I have 2 weeks of student teaching left. I'll be teaching reading next week. Then I will be observing and assisting in my final week. And then...

GRADUATION!!


And then...Disney World for my birthday! Yay!


Woo-hoo!

I made it through. There were some times when I was so tired, I didn't think I could face another day. But, God gace me the strength, and I made it through! YAY!

Till next time,
Melissa

Full time student teaching is over!! To be more precise, it actually ended last week. This past week I taught everything but math. Next week, I will be teaching reading and writing. I can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel! It is wonderful!! :)

My Impact on Student Learning Project is also finished. Without the lesson plans attached, the final product is 35 pages. With the lesson plans added to the mess, it is around 42 pages. Yah. The project was difficult...just very time consuming. I am thankful it is completed! I will be printing it up this weekend and posting it to my online account. It's actually due April 2...so I am a bit ahead of schedule! :)

I attended the graduation fair at my school the other day. And...what do ya know...my tassels for history and education are CAROLINA BLUE colors!! My education tassel is Tarheel blue, and the history tassel is white! It is going to look so cute...and totally appropriate! :)

I also have my cap and gown! Graduation is on the way, and I am really starting to get excited! College is nearly finished!! Gosh...I can still hardly believe that college is finished. When I was younger, I used to always look at college as this far off thing that wasn't going to be a part of my life for a good, long while. Time, however, always has a way of rushing forward. College came...and went...pretty quickly!

My thesis will be finished this weekend! I have chs. 1-2 finished and proofed. The introduction is written. I only need to correct chapter 3 and write out my closing! So close to being finished with this beast! And so thankful for that too...I am really getting sick of my thesis.

Once I am done with it...I don't want to hear anything about antebellum America for a long, long time.

I am very happy with my decision to pursue law for my career and to keep history as a hobby. I came very close to applying for a PhD is history, but I am glad I didn't. I really don't think I would like spending my days holed up in a room sifting through old papers. I'd rather read about the findings of others...rather than make my own. History is awesome, but it's definitely my hobby. It's something I enjoy doing...and I think if I went for the PhD, I would probably end up not liking it much.

Other than these final moments of my undergraduate career, not too much is happening. I am keeping my fingers crossed for a Disney vacation in June. A nice, long break...with no thoughts of school...would be very nice!!

Off to go write some lesson plans for next week!

Till next time,
Melissa

First week of full time student teaching is over!

And it was just awesome! I actually decided to go full time a week earlier than I had planned, and I am now SO glad I made that decision. I was definitely ready. The week progressed very smoothly, and I can hardly believe it is Friday. Literally, the week flew. I suppose this is what student teaching will be like now. It's a whirlwind of busyness. I am busy from sunup to sundown. But it's a good busy. The kind that makes days fly by and leaves you wondering where all the time went.

Waiting another week would have stunk...because it is just putting off the inevitable, and I can't stand feeling like I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing. I'm the kind of person that says, "Just do it. Start it and get it over with." I don't like putting things off, and I felt like another week without being full time would be wasteful.

I started a Brother's Grimm unit with the kids, and they are really excited about it. I am planning to work on a different reading strategy with different fairy tales each week. This week, we read Snow White (the original...which even the boys found interesting) and worked on visualization. I didn't show the kids any of the illustrations, and they had to draw out what they thought was the most important scene in the story. The things the kids pulled from the story were very neat! One girl drew the mother at her window pricking her finger and wishing for a daughter like Snow White. Another student drew out the seven hills the the seven dwarves lived beyond. One of my boys drew out the hot coals and iron shoes that the wicked stepmother had to wear at the very end. That was how she met her end in the story. Another girl drew Snow White with the poisoned apple stuck in her throat. It was very cool to see the pictures they created in their minds. THey keep reminding me that I have to show them the author's pictures now. :)

Next week we are working with Iron Hans and character analysis. Kids are going to draw out the young prince in the beginning of the story and label his characteristics. Then they will draw the prince in the end of the story and label how he has changed.

I set up debating with my high reading today. The excitement was running very high! We are using Poppy and Rye as our text, and the kids drew pieces of paper....and this divided them into either the beavers (the "bad" guys) or the mice (the "good" guys). I am calling the entire process "fishbowling." A beaver and a mouse go head to head at the debate table, and their team surrounds them. Whenever a child says something their team agrees with, the kids can snap their fingers. This is called giving their group member "fish food." I could see the rest of the class really wished they could get in on the action.

I will need to plan something really exciting for my middle Stone Fox group for next week. They are great to work with and so eager to read and discuss. :o)

Yah. So full time student teaching is great! I am really enjoying it. It is tiring, but not as bad as I have heard others describe. I feel more invigorated than tired at the end of the day. It's a good tired.

In other news...I was accepted at University of South Carolina Law School this week. A bit anticlimactic....but they did offer me a hefty scholarship. They are giving 15k a year...which would make it so that I can pay in-state tuition....even though I am not a resident of SC. That was cool. Amazing that I am 6 for 6 on the law schools I applied to. It's a great feeling to know you're going to law school!

But I am still UNC all the way. I watched a program on HBO over the weekend..."Battle for Tobacco Road: The Duke - UNC Rivalry." It was so cool. I am going to a school with a real rivalry that has lasted decades! Like the announcer said...two of the best basketball programs in the nation are located 8 miles from each other. It's rich vs. middle class. It's North vs. South. It's the Civil War being played out all over again on the basketball court. And the Tarheels dominate. We just pounced on Duke again...in their own house. Hehe. 'Nough said.

Tarheels rock. I am about to enter a school with a huge history and a totally and insanely excellent sports program. I've never been one to jump all over the college sports...but actually going to one of the NCAA Division 1 schools does amazing things for your sports spirit. I can't wait to go to my first UNC-Duke bball game. I'll be right there with all my Heels...decked out from head to toe in Carolina gear. I love it! :)

Yah. Chapel Hill was founded in 1793. There's a lot of history going on there. I love it!! I'm still flying high over my acceptance. It's good to be a UNC Tarheel. My whole family is coming to visit and I am giving the official tour of the campus in April. I also plan on adding to my collection of UNC gear. I need car stickers...shirts....sweatshirts...everything!

Oh! And accepted students day is coming up soon as well! I can't wait to get out there...and have an entire day geared specifically for kids already admitted to the law program. Coolness. :)

Till next time,
Melissa

Another amazing week!


When I sent off my law school applications, I chose to apply to a lot of top-level schools. I knew that the chances of getting into them was very slim. For instance, University of Florida is a great law school. They have a children's law clinic that is right up my alley. However, I am out-of-state and thus competing for 25% of the spots. 75% of the law seats are reserved each year for Florida residents. I knew UF was a long shot. And they only have about 250 spots. Thousands of applications...for 250 spots. Not good odds.

Same thing with Wake Forest. This university prides itself on its selectivity and small law classes. It's a private school, and the graduates from Wake Forest are highly respected in the legal community. They usually can find jobs most anywhere on the East coast. Plus, they're private. So...I knew this school was a reach as well. Several of my friends have already been waitlisted to Wake Forest. It was a long shot, and I knew it. But...for some wacky reason...I still applied. Again...you've got the thousands of applications for the 150 or so spots. Tough competition as well.

I think my application cycle is a testament to God's calling on a person's life. When you are following His leading...amazing things happen. My recent experience is a PERFECT example.


As if an earlier than usual acceptance from UNC (being literally one of the FIRST to receive an acceptance) wasn't enough...

I was accepted into BOTH the University of Florida and Wake Forest University....on the same day!

So....God had blessed me with admission into three of the top legal programs in the nation. UF's tax law program is far and away the greatest...UNC is just awesome all the way around...and Wake is like a mini-Duke. All very selective...and I GOT INTO ALL THREE! Woo-hoo!!

It's almost anticlimatic now. My family now goes..."Oh great! You got into another one!" It's like..."Yah. We knew you could do it. Good job....these acceptances are just extra icing on the cake."

I feel so honored to be able to CHOOSE where I go to law school. I was fully expecting to grasp and claw at ANY acceptance I managed to scrape. I thought I'd get into one of the programs....maybe two if I was very fortunate. Never all of them! Never even entered my mind to THINK that!

Now....on the other end of years of preparation and months of waiting....I find myself presented with a choice between three excellent universities...all of whom want me to attend their schools!

And so...I am now in the process of scheduling visits to all these schools...because now I have to evaluate each and decide which is the best fit for me! I get to pick the best fit! Most people take the best they can get....but I have three bests to choose from! How awesome!!

And so....my application process is over. I'm in everywhere. I'm now in the process of trying to figure out where I should go. I never thought that this would be a step in the process...but it is!

Although...I am leaning heavily towards UNC. Numbers-wise...it is top. A law degree from Carolina translates to big law. The big time stuff. The judicial clerkships. The big law firms. Plus, UNC is undeniably one of the BEST places to live...and Carolina Law is like a big family. Very welcoming. Very laid-back and approachable. I want to spend my next three years there. The alumni network is extensive...and once a Tarheel...always a Tarheel. Sweet! I bet you can guess where I will probably end up next year...

So thrilled about all the acceptances. Wanted to blog and let everyone know my application cycle is over. It was amazing. I couldn't have ever dreamed it would turn out this way! Yay!

So....what to be....a Tarheel....a Gator...or a Demon Deacon. Hmmm....
Melissa


P.S.---> I've been blaring "Perfect Day" from the Legally Blonde movie for a week now. It just fits perfectly. :)

It's funny how things can change so quickly. How your life can be completely and entirely different in the span of 24 hours.

Yesterday, February 13, 2009 (which just so happened to be Friday the 13th), was a day that forever changed my life. Things will literally NEVER be the same again. And I love it.

What, you might be wondering, so permanently changed the course of my life? Well, I am thrilled to fill you in!


While at my clinical school yesterday, I was offered a position for next year teaching 5th grade gifted students at my student teaching school. I was floored by the offer because it was exactly the type of classroom I would be interested in taking over. By the time I got home that day, I was seriously considering accepting the offer. It seemed that God had answered my prayers...He had shown me what the next step should be.

I hadn't heard back from UNC Law...which is where I REALLY wanted to go next year. So I asked God if this was His answer to my prayers...was I really supposed to teach next year?

God is so AMAZING and AWESOME....the answer came last night (same day as the job offer) in my e-mail box...


I AM ACCEPTED AT UNC SCHOOL OF LAW!!!!

I was NOT expecting to hear anything from Carolina Law because they usually do not send out the majority of their acceptances/waitlists/rejections until late March/early April. I was prepared to wait in the long haul. But, then the job offer popped into the picture...and my waiting hope wavered.

It was too perfect not to be God's work. I get the acceptance e-mail (meaning I am one of the FIRST applicants to be accepted) the SAME DAY that I am offered the job!! God answered the prayers of my heart in such a WONDERFUL and AMAZING way...I can still hardly believe it! I am just SO OVERFLOWING with happiness and joy and thankfulness right now I feel I could pop with it!!!

PLUS!!! The personalized acceptance letter from the Dean of Admissions also informed me that scholarship offers are going to be mailed next month! That date is, again, before most of the other acceptances will be mailed!!! Might I actually be one of the scholarship recipients!?!

I would have been happy to accept an offer without any scholarship offerings...Chapel Hill is THAT good. But, for them to give me a scholarship...well, it just shows the power of God to work out His will in the lives of His children. It's all God. He did this amazing thing for me...and I am still feeling a bit shell-shocked over it.

I am a Tarheel! I am a TARHEEL!!!!!

I will be studying law in August at Chapel Hill...at one of the most respected and prestigious universities in the South! Can you believe it!?!?!

I opened the e-mail at work this morning...and I literally broke down CRYING! Bawling. I fell to pieces right in front of all the customers. I was calling EVERYONE in my family. When my Dad called me, he was like, "Melissa...what did you hear from Chapel Hill? Mom told me to call you right away. Is it good? I am sitting here crying because I just know you got in!"

I was like, "Dad, I got in! I'm a Tarheel! I'm crying too!" I could hear him crying...he was at work too...he said everyone was looking at him funny too. :)


I am so happy...so in disbelief...I've literally dreamed about what would happen if I found out I was accepted. I knew I would cry...I have never wanted anything as much as I wanted to get into UNC Law. This is the dream....MY DREAM since I was a little girl. Always law school...always NC...always UNC Law. And it has actually happened! It's here! I've fantasized about how awesome it would be to get in...to hold that letter in my hands...to KNOW with CERTAINTY that everything thus far in my life had been leading me to this point. That the deepest and most cherished desires of my heart were really placed there by my Lord. That He had all this in His hands! My uncle said it best...God gives us the desires of our heart.

Well, I've never really had any major desires of the heart....I'm just a normal girl...just a young person...never had anything to majorly desire before, except for the dream of going to UNC Law. That was it! And God graciously gave it to me!

The BEST day of my life! The BEST GREATEST MOST WONDERFUL EVER day of my life thus far.

I am a Tarheel.....Carolina Law Class of 2012!

Oh yah, baby! Go Heels!

Praise God...the Giver and Fulfiller of dreams!!! :o)
Melissa

P.S.---> The song, "Perfect Day" by Hoku keeps playing in my mind. That's the one they play in Legally Blonde....how perfect that I can't get this tune out of my head. It really is the Perfect Day! :)

I had my first, official observation this week. I was quite nervous that morning before arriving at school, and I anxiously sat in the corner of the room looking out our window....because you can see the hallway that my University Supervisor would have to take to get to my classroom. I wanted to see her coming...before she actually came...I guess. That makes no sense...but people do crazy things when they are nervous. I had prayed about the observation, so I wasn't totally going bonkers about it. I knew it was in God's hands.

And...whaddoyaknow...it was GREAT! She was totally impressed with my teaching skills. The kids were complete angels. (My management skills are hit and miss right now...so it all depends on the day, I suppose.) The lesson flowed seamlessly. She told my Cooperating Teacher that I was the best observation she had seen thus far! How cool!?

Again...I forgot I was being observed. Teaching kids is awesome that way...you are so into what you're doing with them...that you forget what is going on outside your little learning bubble.

I guess I can teach, after all. :)

Other than this, I don't have too much to update about. I did get a status update from UF....my application is now out of committee and my final decision is pending. That little update appeared on my status checker online last night. I didn't see it until this morning. I've been scouring the pages of law school forums and blogs...and it seems that a few people are in the same cycle as I am. I suppose we were all under review at the same time...now decisions have been made...and we'll be the next to find out whether we are in/wl/out.

I've heard two schools of thought on this type of a status...

1. You will be receiving a letter in the mail very soon. It could be an acceptance...a waitlist...or a rejection. You just don't know till you get the letter.

2. A 'decision pending' status might also mean they are interested in you...but are not going to give a final answer until a later date. They don't want to waitlist you...because a waitlist means that your app is shelved until after their April 1st deadline. However, they can't accept you immediately until they have their in-state numbers....so they place a 'hold' on your app and keep it in committee until they can give you a definitive answer. Not as good as an auto-admit...but not as bad as a waitlist, either. And most definitely NOT as bad as an auto-reject.

I looked at some of the acceptance dates of students with similar numbers to me...and they all found out in mid-March....I am thinking I probably fall into the latter category? I will probably know by March whether I am in or out....I hope.

Which is perfectly fine with me...because I am out of state and competing for 30% of the spots. 70% of the spots in UF Law are reserved for in-state applicants. So. Either way you shake it...I think I am doing a-ok.

They have a great children's law clinic...which is what got me to knock them up to my second choice for law school. The admissions rep at the law school fair I attended really impressed me. UF really impressed me. Now I just need to impress them. Hehe. UF adcoms...if you happen to be reading this (which I have heard happens more often now), please admit me! :o)

Next week I am picking up math and science. Getting a little busier. Still procrastinating on the last chapter of my thesis. Hope to write 1/2 of chapter three on Sunday. Goal is to have it finished and submitted to my committee by March. Defend in April. Be done. Graduate. Yah.

Till next week,
Melissa

I just realized that I promised ya'll my thoughts on "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak...and I never delivered on that promise.

I actually finished the book a month ago. Make of that what you will. That means I finished it in a few days. The book was enlightening...it was so (there is just no other word for it) different. I found it completely entrancing and mesmerizing. Let me elaborate a bit...

If you so decide to pick up this book, I must preface this with a warning. The prose is going to take you a little while to really sink your mind into. Zusak writes from an entirely different viewpoint...a point of reference that I have never seen in a book before. In plain English, the narrator of this book is Death. You know...the hooded figure that looms mysteriously at the fringes of everyone's goings-on. Yah. And Death sees things differently than a regular person...so you really need to make an effort at first to keep up with the prose style. But...do not despair. Keep reading. It will get better, I promise.

While Death is the narrator and the all-knowing authority in the book, he is really only concerned with relaying the story of Liesel Meminger and those who come into contact with her. Liesel is a young girl being raised by foster parents in Nazi Germany. Only...Liesel is NOT Jewish. She's got that Aryan-ness thing perfectly down pat. So...this book is most definitely NOT your typical Holocaust novel.

It's an amazing story of life in Nazi Germany for the people that we rarely ever give a second thought to- the people who lost the war. Of course...you do meet a whole lot of interesting characters along the way...like Rudy Steiner and Max Vandenburg...a model Aryan boy with hair the color of lemons who wants nothing more than to kiss Liesel and a Jewish fistfighter who writes his very first story over the pages of Mein Kampf, respectively.

The reason why I encourage you to keep reading even when you might feel like putting down the book because you might find the text to be a bit unfriendly is because Zusak does something amazing with his scattered text. Death, you will come to find, has an acerbic quality to his recollections...and you need to learn to sort through witty sarcasm and reality. Yet, Zusak manages to create real, living, breathing characters. And he makes you care about them. And once you feel so connected to the characters...he reminds you that this is WWII...and there are hardly ever any happy-endings where war in concerned. That is all I am going to say.

Possibly the best character-development in a story that I have read in a long while. He kicks the pants off the past 10 books I have read. You feel like Liesel is your very best friend...and Max could easily be living in your basement. Read this one! You will not be disappointed.

Unless you read it and hate it. In which case...you and I share very different reading preferences. :o)

So...I am bookless again. I've been scouring the stores and online websites for tips about new books to read. I haven't found anything yet. I am thinking I might pick up "The Zookeeper's Wife" or "Night of Flames"....I am really into the WWII historical fiction selections right now. Google them if you want. Oh gosh. The only problem with reading great literature is that when you finish one...you are left looking for the next one that rises to that same standard.

And it can be very difficult at times because my reading preferences have grown and matured along with myself, I think. I read mostly two categories of fiction at the moment: historical and fantasy. If it doesn't fall into either one of those categories, I usually won't be interested. I'm also trying to read contemporary authors...because I've spent so much of my school years reading the literary classics. While there is nothing wrong with these (and they are still among my favorites), I think there is something to be gained from reading stories woven by people you could actually run into on the street. Just my thoughts...

So if you know of a good book that falls into the aforementioned categories and is written by someone who is still breathing at this very moment in time...please let me know. It will be much appreciated! :)

Oh, yes, and I now have 356 songs on my MP3...courtesy of Napster! My free subscription ended a few days ago...but I just loved the freedom of downloading whatever songs you want whenever you want too much to give it up. I figure...all I need to do is download 15 new songs per month...and I will break even. For me, that isn't too tough to do. Especially since I have XM radio...and I am constantly hearing new songs that I like.

What a crazy, I-need-it-right-now society we live in, ya? What would our forefathers say?

Your Bookless Bibliophile,
Melissa

Student teaching has really taken off in the past week. It always amazes me how God chooses to work through everyday circumstances to bring you closer to Him and to mold you into the person He wants you to be. I've been learning A LOT through my student teaching experience, and I can see God's hand in almost every instance. I won't blog about it all...but I will give you a little info into some of the things I have been learning. Bear with me here. :o)

I know that I've blogged in the past about how I struggle with worry and doubt. I suppose it is just my personality to worry about things...even things that are completely outside of my control. I've always been like that...but I think that is something God never intended for me to live with. I've prayed and prayed in the past for God to teach me how to let go and really trust Him. I've found there is a difference between saying that you trust God...which sounds all good and wonderful...and actually trusting Him in your heart of hearts. When you are really trusting in His goodness and mercy, you just have this assurance that everything is going to work out, and that He will let you live a life full of happiness, excitement, and adventure. Hard times will come....but He will still remain. You know that God, who is greater than all, is in control, and you are just blessed to be along for the ride. To me...that is peace and contentment. Joyful contentment is only found when you are really, really in your mind and heart trusting God to care for you. I guess it just boils down to a knowledge that He is enough. Period.

I think God is using student teaching to teach me how to trust Him with my everything. And it is just awesome. I feel almost a little daring in my everyday activities now...not so afraid to make a mistake.

Case in point- I had my first official observation yesterday. The lesson wasn't perfect...far from it...but I actually forgot I was being observed! I was so into helping the kids and teaching that I barely gave the observer a thought! What's more...when it came time to discuss my performance and to rate myself, I found that it didn't bother me to give myself lower ratings. In plain English...I WASN'T AFRAID NOT TO BE PERFECT! It was a new thing for me...and VERY liberating. For an academic nut who thrives on perfection....actually letting go was incredibly freeing. I looked at the rubric not as MY GRADE THAT HAS TO BE AN A but as a guide for how my performance will improve over time. I was higher in some areas than others, but I definitely found some spots in which I wanted to improve. This entire past week...it's like someone is whispering in my ear, "You don't need to worry so much. God has this one. His plan will come to pass. Just trust Him." And I just did my best...even if it wasn't perfect...and I found that I earnestly wanted to learn from my mistakes, rather than shun them as my inadequacies. It was so cool. Learning to trust my Lord is a lifelong process...but I feel like He and I have made some major progress this week. He's cracked a huge chip in my glass bubble of perfectionism...and the sunshine is shining through! :)

Yah. So that was pretty dang awesome.

My class is finishing up their study of economics, and we are getting ready to begin our study of the sun, moon, and stars. I am really excited about this one. Two of the teachers on my team went to a workshop over the summer that trained them to use a new unit plan that addresses this very topic. All the lessons in the unit are inquiry-based and involve hands-on experiments. Let me tell you....kids these days learn science in a VERY different way than we did in the past!

For instance, when we study light and its movement, we actually experiment with light! I get a projector light, we move it to different places in the room, we use mirrors to reflect the light and we trace its path using yellow string. It is SO cool. The kids are actually tracing light movement in their classroom, and everyone gets involved. This, I think, is a MUCH MORE efficient way to teach children science than the typical textbook and workbook approach that I suffered through in elementary and middle school. I remember how boring my science classes were...it is no wonder I never liked the subject much. However, when it is hands-on and interactive like this...I can definitely see the potential!

Changing gears again...

I've started praying the Psalms. I read somewhere that the Psalms (in the Bible) have many uses, and that one of them can be for prayer. I love the Psalms. I love the poetry in the words...how everything just seems to flow. As a bibliophile, I can most definitely appreciate melodic words. When a writer has that skill...things just come alive off the page. Well...the Bible is the inspired word of God...so I am not surprised that poetry inspired and communicated by Him would be the most beautiful stuff ever...but still, I just love reading it and saying it. So...as a new part of my devotions, I pray different Psalms. It helps to get me centered and focused on spending time with Him. You know how sometimes you just feel like there is nothing to say...or you just don't know the right words to express the things you are thinking or feeling? Well, I've found that there is ALWAYS a Psalm for the things I want or need to say. I kind of like to think that God gave us the Psalms partly because He knows that some of us have trouble with words at times. So He gave us the words for those times! Anyways, I think starting off with the Psalms and praying them to my Lord have really opened up my devotional time. I'm more focused, and I also feel like it's a two-way conversation between He and I. And that is what I want...no more just head knowledge of Jesus. I want that real, personal relationship with Him. And the only way you can get to that intimate level is through communication. Just thought I would share...

I suppose it might be nice to close with a Psalm that I've been studying and reading (and praying) a lot lately....for your enjoyment and encouragement:

Psalm 63: 1-8

O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water.
I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory.
Your unfailing love is better to me than life itself; how I praise you!
I will honor you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
You satisfy me more than the richest of foods. I will praise you with songs of joy.
I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night.
I think how much you have helped me; I sing for joy in the shadow of your protecting wings.
I follow close behind you; your strong right hand holds me securely

Pretty awesome, yah?

Till next time,
Melissa

I think I am finally finding my groove in student teaching.

I realized that I am going to have to work with a lot of different people over the course of my life, and I won't always like everyone I work with. My CT and I have VERY different personalities, and I found it to be quite a shocker last week. She's very negative and stressed...whereas I strive to be positive and thankful in my everyday life. Now, don't get me wrong...I'm far from perfect at living with that mindset...but I'm a work in progress. :)

Last week, I was so unused to being around nearly constant negativity, and it definitely wore on me. I was frazzled and exhausted by Friday. It wasn't good, and I didn't want to let this one experience completely throw a kink into the way that I have consciously decided to live my life. So...I prayed a lot, and I asked God to help me think of some ways to bring cheerfulness and positivity back into the classroom. The first idea that flew into my mind almost immediately was to bring God's word along with me everyday. So I wrote up a little notecard with my favorite Bible verse on it (Psalm 139), and I stuck this into my notebook. I know in my head that God is always with me, but sometimes I forget that in the bustle of life. Flipping open my notebook and seeing those words attached really lifted my spirits this week. It reminded me that this classroom is just one experience in a lifetime of different experiences...and God is with me here just as much as anywhere else. So I don't need to fret.

I also started mentally shutting out my CT when she started to complain and gossip. Granted, it wasn't always easy, but it made a huge difference. Rather than listening to her complaints...cussing...and gossiping, I just let it float straight over my head. I hardly know the people she gossips about, so it wasn't too hard. I let it effect me last week, and I sort of took on her worries as my own. I didn't this week, and it made a huge difference in my attitude. I found I was able to get back to the kids and focus on them and my teaching...which is what this is all supposed to be about anyway! :)

And so...I think God has taught me some important lessons about working with others through this experience. I'm sure I still have a lot more to learn, but I can at least see the value in all of this.

This week's entry will be a short one. I just have one more thing to blog about...

I was accepted at Campbell Law!!! I am SO thrilled because Campbell is a school I would actually consider going to. UM was the backup of the backup...I really didn't want to have to move to Miami, FL for law school. Thankfully, I now know I won't have to! If I don't get in anywhere else, I will most likely go to Campbell. God is good...and He has blessed me so much already!

Oh, yes. I was informed by e-mail that my application is currently 'under review by committee' at UF! Keep me in your prayers, ya'll! :)

Till next week,
Melissa

Ok. I now realize that I spend a few minutes thinking up witty titles for my blog everytime I update, but the blog design I have chosen cuts out my title. Now, I love the look of my blog right now...so I'm not changing that for the sake of a few words at the beginning of each of my blog entries. However, I think the title of this particular blog is important....because I'm learning a tough lesson right now...and the title fits more snugly than usual. So, I suppose I'll start with the title and jump right in!

"Un-learning Perfectionism"


Intriguing, no?


I think perfectionism is a learned behavior. It's definitely not something you're born with. It's more a habit that you gradually fall into and suddenly find one day that you have to fight and struggle to break.

I'm a perfectionist. If there were a meeting for perfectionists anonymous (I'll call it...PA), I would need to be one of the first people to register. It's that bad, and I'm not joking, either. An explanation is needed, I think.

I thrive on success. While I shun competing with others, I really revel in competing against myself. Every "A" I have ever received has sort of contributed to my perfectionist tendencies. When I was in elementary school, I made A's and B's. I was never "perfect," but I was always happy with how I did. I felt absolutely no stress to be "perfect." Now, you can say that is just child-like simplicity at its best, but I tend to believe it was also partly due to the fact that I knew in my little mind that I was working my hardest. And I also knew that was something to be proud of. The letter grade didn't matter to me, and this (I believe) is the key to personal success...something I have somehow lost sight of in past years.

I first lost sight of "personal success" when I got my first straight "A" report card in 8th grade. Suddenly, I had shot from the middling average of the class (with A's and B's) to one of three contenders for the valedictorian honor...right at the top of the class. That was the first year I really busted my butt to maintain the top spot. And I found it absolutely addicting to be at the top. I loved it. While that may seem all great and good...it wasn't reality, and it gave me a taste for something that I couldn't humanly maintain throughout my life...

And so, I moved on to high school, and I continued making all A's. I guess that first taste of straight A's in 8th grade really stuck with me. Only now, I was competing against my own scores. When I got a 95%, (and I hate that I think this...but it's still true) a little thought would flicker through my mind that goes something like this: "Oh gosh. A 95%. That's an A, but I could've done better. That could've been a 97%...or better yet...a 100%. Have to work harder next time." So, I worked harder. And my grades continued to climb...till I think I graduated with near 100% averages in every subject senior year. Needless to say, my GPA was through the roof and I was once again the valedictorian. Mission accomplished, right?

Wrong.

I almost wish I'd made some B's my first semester in college, because it would have taught me that B's are ok at the college level. (Which I know in my head is true...yet can't seem to drive down into the part of me that strives for the A.) But, I didn't make any B's that first semester...or the next...or the next. And so, the vicious cycle continued...and I made all A's throughout college. I've got a 4.0 going into my last semester of college. It wasn't easy...and I had a lot of times when I really thought I would lose my grip on that 4.0, but I spent the majority of my college years absolutely determined and obsessed with maintaining that perfect GPA. It was an obsession of mine...something I felt was completely within my control, and I was determined to keep it that way. And I did...but I wonder at what cost to my own personal happiness??

I'm sick of it. I don't want to be "perfect" anymore (and I know I'm so far from perfect that it isn't funny...yet I persist in trying to obtain academic perfection). I want to be able to experiment and take chances in school without being terrified of the grades that will accompany my chances. That's what learning really is...trying new things and making mistakes. I need to make mistakes. Somehow, I've got to figure out how to disconnect from the grade...to stop obsessing over the "A."

I won't go into details, but I think God has finally placed me into a situation in which it is entirely impossible for me to make another A. I'm doing my student teaching in a less than ideal situation...very negative...very critical...very difficult. And I know (with certainty) that I will not make an A. My supervisor and cooperating teacher will see to that. I won't go into all the gory details here...but this past week was a shocker for me. It put my joy and positivity to the utmost test...and I don't think I performed too well. I let the negativity seep into me until it made me miserable.

But it also sort of served as a wake up call about my misplaced priorities. I realized that a large portion of my personal happiness is riding on my ability to excel and do well in school. When I feel like I am not doing well, I get really upset. And that needs to stop. I have to learn to stop measuring my personal success against a grade on a piece of paper...because its not reality. I think realizing this is probably half the battle. I'm now determined to break the cycle. I stumbled across that verse the other day in the Bible that talks about how God didn't give us a spirit of fear and timidity...but of faith. I think faith is strong. Faith is awesome, and people with faith are usually very strong, focused, and determined people...because they're relying on the ultimate Power Source for their strength. I've asked God to help me get to that point. He's shown me how far I am from it...how I've let academic perfection become the determiner of my strength...and now I trust Him to show me how to step out of that mindset. :)

I also realized that teaching isn't all its cracked up to be. The teachers in my school are miserable. They spend (and I am NOT kidding here) literally every single free moment complaining, maliciously gossiping, and using every foul word under the planet to lament their jobs, requirements, duties, kids, colleagues...everything. I have yet to hear one positive remark from anyone on my hall. The atmosphere is the most depressing I have ever been in.

I have two growing feelings right now about my student teaching situation.

1. I will never accept a job at my student teaching school. All that misery has to be telling you something about the working environment. It's not good.

2. I don't think I want to teach elementary school. Granted, I am (in all likelihood) going to law school, so this isn't necessarily a problem. But, I am thinking that if I ever do decide to teach somewhere down the road...it will be in middle or high school.

I'm going to be completely honest here...I don't like teaching subjects that I don't like. Period. I hate math...and I do not want to teach it to anyone.

I love the classroom environment and working with young people...but I hate the role that the elementary school teacher plays in the educational path of students. Its not for me. Took me 4 years to realize that...but its true. I would like to teach history...and thats about it.

So....in a way all of this is liberating, because I am more confident than ever in my decision to pursue law. And I am still thankful for the backup security that a degree in education will afford me. But, I am wary about student teaching. I suppose that now, more than ever, I will need to rely on my Lord for the strength to make it through each day. When I look at it more as a test of faith...as something that God and I can get through together...it doesn't seem so menacing.

Yes. So. I'm am currently in the process of un-learning perfectionism. :)

Till next time,
Melissa

Wow! What a week it has been! It has been one of those weeks that feels both excessively long and ridiculously short. I suppose this is because I was doing A LOT. It is actually the first week in a long time in which I have been working sun-up to sun-down everyday. You never realize how awesome the college life is until you are no longer living it.

So. I have to wake up at 5:00 AM most days because I have to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at school by :30 AM. That is tough for me. Really tough. While I am an early riser...I've never been THAT MUCH of an early riser before. I suppose getting up early is something you get used to after a while. One of the things that I do like about getting up so early in the morning is that I feel like my day is never wasted. When I sleep in till 9 or 10 in the morning, I always regret it afterwards because I feel as though I've wasted half of the day...and I hate wasting time. So...getting used to the early bird hours will be a bit of a challenge, but I think it is definitely a good habit to be getting into.

Student teaching orientation on Thursday was a bit overwhelming. The professors bombarded us with a lot of details and requirements in a few hours. Plus, I had my first seminar immediately following the introduction orientation. Most people got to leave for the day and return on Friday. They had an entire day to reflect on everything they heard in the first orientation before they met with their University Supervisor. I had a few hours, at best. It was A LOT to take in.

However, I did get Friday mostly off from orientation duties. I just had a few things to attend to on campus...so that gave me a great opportunity to get all my materials organized for student teaching. All my binders are set up and ready to go...so that is definitely good. When I am organized...I feel more relaxed. :)

I'm starting a guided reading group next week. It will be the first guided group I have ever been completely in charge of before. We're using "Stone Fox," and I really want to try out some of the reading strategies I have learned in my methods classes. I am planning to start out our first day together by doing an anticipation/reaction guide with the kids. This strategy is a great way to capture readers' interest at the beginning of a book. Basically, I read through the text ahead of time, and I jot down some statements that relate to the text in some way...but that do not seem to immediately make sense out of context. Before reading the text, students read the statements and check "yes" if they agree with the statement or "no" if they disagree. It's simple and fast 'before reading' strategy. It gets kids thinking and wondering about what the statements will mean for the story.

EX: People can talk without using words.

Kids can go either way on that one. Some will think that is impossible, while others might have some prior knowledge about sign language. We'll discuss kids intial thoughts on the statement as a group before we read the text.

Once we're finished with the chapters, we'll revisit the statement, and kids will be able to note that Grandfather talked to Willy through hand motions because he was unable to use his voice. So, yes....people can talk without using words. Pretty cool, huh?

That is day one. I'm still brainstorming for the remaining four days...but I think I'm going to try a mix of before, during, and after reading strategies.

Day 2: Tell Me a Story...

Basically, I choose several words from the text. The bunch of words has to include characters, places, verbs, and some main ideas words from the selection. I will show the words to the kids and have them jot down one or two sentences about what they think will happen in the next chapters based upon the words I give them. This gets the kids predicting what will happen next... :)

Day 3: Pick a Card, Any Card...

I need to make up some flash cards for this activity. Each flash card will have a different prompt on the front, and the kids will need to answer the prompt based upon their knowledge of the story.

EX: I never thought that...

I think the author...

I was surprised when...

I like the way...

Kids can write anything they want based upon the prompt. This helps me to measure comprehension.

Day 4: Read My Mind...

I like this one. I pick out some phrases that relate to the story. For example, I might say, "potato farm," and the kids would have to tell me how that phrase fits into the story. In this case, they could tell me about how Willy and Grandfather live on a potato farm, how Willy had to harvest all the potatoes on his own, how the bank was threatening to foreclose on the potato farm, etc.

Day 5: Questioning...

And finally...good old questioning. I will ask some questions. The kids will brainstorm some questions...and so it goes. :)

Wow. I just planned out a week of lessons in my blog. Crazy!

Till next time,
Melissa

I really don't have an outline in mind for today's blog. I'm just going to write down whatever randomly pops into my brain...because I feel like I should update this thing. Should be interesting...

First off, I would like to explain where my blog title came from. It's original. I thought it up...at least a good two years before Mark Schultz decided to go and name an album with the same title. 'Stories From Life' was my brainchild. Maybe I heard it somewhere...and it just rolled around in my brain for a long time...or maybe not. However, I did not take it from Mark Schultz...who just so happens to be a CCM artist I enjoy listening to. Just wanted to write that down and clear that up...although I suspect I am the only person who would have noticed such a discrepancy anyway.

I've restricted the number of New Year's resolutions I made this year. I look back at 2008's resolutions blog...and I just laugh. I think I made like...8 resolutions...for 2008. I kept...maybe 2 of them. That always happens. I read a statistic somewhere that said 90% of resolutions fail after the first month.

That is not a very heartening statistic, and I fear I have only contributed to it through my ridiculously long and detailed resolutions. Well, no longer!

This year...I have set for myself...3 resolutions. Simple. Short. Sweet. To the point resolutions. Here they are:

(1) Exercise three times a week.

(2) Read two non-school books a month.

(3) Pray at least once before I go to sleep.

These are wide open. I can exercise in any manner I want...at any time I want. I can read any type of book I want. I can pray whenever I want...just as long as I pray once a day. I *hope* that by leaving my resolutions wide open to interpretation...they just might last in my increasingly hectic and busy life.

And these are all resolutions I think I will NEED in the coming months. I'll be student teaching...and hearing back from law schools...and finishing my history honors thesis. All very stressful goings-on. Thus...I need to make sure I take time for myself...because if I don't plan for that...I won't do it. And I'll work myself into the ground.

Which I don't care to do anymore. I've busted my butt through 4.5 years on college...and I am done. Seriously. Done. For all intensive purposes...undergrad is over. My law apps are in. My GPA is perfect. I have done all I can do...and this last semester is going to be my reward to myself. I am going to complete the tasks set before me...WITHOUT worrying about the grades. I am going to take time for myself EVERYDAY.

I don't know if this is me finally being realistic with myself about my own abilities...or just a serious case of senioritis...but I am so over and done with undergrad. I'm ready for the next step...ready for law school.

Registering for graduation and sending out my graduation invites didn't help much, either. Ever since that day...a little voice in my mind has been growing increasingly louder..."3 MORE MONTHS!!!"

I finish student teaching on May 1. I graduate May 9, 2009. Sweet, sweet victory. :)

In other news, all my law school applications are completed and paid for.

I have finished two chapters of my honors thesis. I only have 1 more to go...

I'm back at work today after two blessed weeks off. It was great to finally have a Saturday to myself...for the first time in nearly four years. However, I think they expect me to work Sunday as well...which sucks. We are supposed to be closed the first two Sundays of the month...so, unless someone verbally tells me otherwise...I am not coming in. They can't expect me to come in on mere hour's notice like that. They don't even post a schedule for me anymore...so that is their fault, not mine. I'm not psychic, and I can't read managerial minds. Sorry.

And so...2009 is shaping up to be a VERY busy year, indeed. But when have I ever not been busy? Exactly...never. ;)

Till next time,
Melissa

P.S.---> I finished the latest book in Christpher Paolini's Inheritance Cycle, Brisingr. It was great. I'm hooked. The characters are so complex...which you probably already know from reading my blog is my absolute favorite part of reading books. I love complex and dynamic characters...and Eragon, Eldest, and Brisingr are just chock full of them. Plus, I love a good ole high fantasy adventure novel. I am now eagerly awaiting Book 4 from Paolini. I hope he gets to writing soon!!

In the meanwhile...my next book is "The Book Thief" by Marcus Zusak. Will report on this when I have finished it.

Also...I got a new MP3 player for Christmas with a subscription to Napster...and I am proud to say I have uploaded some 200 songs to my new player...for free! Yay! :)

This is it...I swear...I now have XM Radio in my car!! Woo-hoo! :D

Merry Christmas...only 12 more days to go!

Have you noticed how people are suddenly afraid to wish others a Merry Christmas? I'm as guilty as the next gal. At work, I keep telling people, "Have a wonderful holiday." What the heck does that mean? I'm really not wishing them a Happy Kwanzaa...or a Happy Hanukkah for that matter. I'm wishing them a Merry Christmas! For some reason, I feel like I am more in tune to the reason for the celebration this year...like all these past years, I have celebrated Christmas just to have something to celebrate...rather than celebrating the fact that the Son of God came down to live with us humans and to save us and to give us an amazing hope and future...in the biggest and most wonderful miracle in recorded history. How can I forget something that big?

It seems really silly...and it reminds me that I am (or at most, can be quite often) a very silly girl. To get so caught up in the trappings of the present...that you completely forget the present. Sad, really. Anywho...this year...I just find myself feeling so thankful and happy that Christ really came, and that my life is forever changed because of Him. It's as though I'm getting to see it all anew...like the feeling you get when you eat your first piece of pumpkin pie after a year without any pumpkin pie because this type of pie is only appropriate during one particular season (which...I might add...I do not agree with.

(That's a pitiful comparison...but you get the point.) A wonderful treat...it's awesome!

And so I've been making a concerted effort to actually say, "Merry Christmas," to people...rather than the bland "Happy Holidays." It just doesn't seem appropriate not to at least hint at the reason for the season to people. Oh well. Have any of you ever felt like that?

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I'm reading Narnia again. I always seem to reread the series during the holidays. I just love it...and you have to get your dose of Narnia at least once a year! Narnia is my favorite fantasy series. Everytime I read it, I always seem to find something new and interesting to consider. C.S. Lewis is an excellent writer that way...you can literally read the Narnia books throughout your entire life. There is always something new to be discovered. Plus, I think Narnia just becomes this little alcove for the imagination. I have to read these books...because I just have to go back to Narnia in my imagination. I just love it there...and I have ever since I was a little girl.

I still love the same parts, too. Whenever Aslan shows up...I'm reading the through the pages like there's no tomorrow. Amazing things always happen whenever Aslan is on the page, and I love that.

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Finally, I suppose I will close with some great news! I received my FIRST acceptance letter for law school! Yes...I am going to law school!! Now, I don't need to say to people, "Well, if I get in..." Now, I can say, "Wherever I end up going for law school..." because I am in! I was pleasantly surprised because I wasn't expecting any news until at least after the New Year. So that was very exciting!

Merry Christmas!
Melissa

P.S.---> Another good song. I can't remember if I've mentioned it before. (I'm guessing I haven't because I just added it to my player this week.) Anywho, here it is: "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North. Really good beat. Great lyrics. Check it out! :)

This week marks my VERY LAST full week of classes in my undergraduate career...EVER! I feel like taking a good, long jog through the park, feeling the crisp, cool air rushing in my face as I jog off the stress and business of the past few months. I've accomplished something now. My college diploma is very nearly in my hand...I just have student teaching to get through. All the classes are finito.

It's funny how things seem so tough and hard and impossible when you are actually in the midst of everything...but God provides the strength to get you through...like He always does...and then you find yourself standing on the other side of the business and wondering where the time went. And how you possibly got through all the massive amounts of papers, papers, and more papers...and actually did quite well. How does that happen?

My history honors thesis suddenly seems more manageable as well. I don't have this massive workload following me around...and I can think clearly again. I have about 3 more pages to plunk out for chapter 2. Chapter 1 research is in the bag. All that remains is to finish chapter 3 over break. Turns out I am a bit ahead of the game. It feels good. :)

Moving along...

I got my very first "complete" e-mail for a law school application!

My application is currently "under review" at Wake Forest University. Cool, cool beans. They are in my top 3...so I'll be interested to hear back from them. I have 5 of my 8 law school applications totally submitted. All the big ones...where haste could positively influence the outcome. The remaining three are, dare I say, my back-ups...so I am not too worried about them.

So now I am playing the waiting game...

There is not too much else to report for this week. We rented Wall-E last night. Very long...very boring...and a poorly concealed message about taking care of our planet...and the pitiful state of mankind in terms of our weight. Haha. The only thing I liked about the movie was Wall-E's cute little voice. And you couldn't even understand what he was saying. The worst Pixar film...in my opinion.

Oh yes! We also went to the big Christmas celebration in town. Church had a live nativity...first one I have ever seen that had camels...sheep...goats...and calves. It was too cute. I felt so bad for the baby calf. Everytime the camel would swing it's head anywhere near it...the little thing would scamper away shaking. I wanted to just hug the calf and take it away from that scary place. Poor thing. Plus, goats kept butting the little guy. Oh. It just broke my little-animal loving heart. The camel was huge...and my brother kept trying to get it to spit at him. And I kept telling him he wouldn't want that to happen because I have heard it smells like puke...but he never listens to me. Hehe.

We drank hot chocolate...ate Christmas sugar cookies...and had a great time shopping in downtown in the chilly weather. I love living in a state other than Florida...because it really feels like Christmas!!

In other news....

I'm currently reading "Knowing God" by J.I. Packer. It is really good. I have finally found a theology book worth reading. I know a lot of people really love Joyce Meyer...but I couldn't get through the first chapter on her book about prayer. I just couldn't. It was like tearing off a piece of cardboard paper and trying to swallow it. Very dry. Very boring. Filled with a lot of stuff that I already know...and don't need to read about in a book. Oh well. But I realize that is just me. I like detail, depth, and reflection in the books I read. Writers who can engage you on a critical level really appeal to me. And Meyer doesn't do that...at least for me. It's too surface level. Packer, on the other hand, writes about life-changing truth in an engaging and reflective way. I love it. If you are looking for a book about getting to know a little more about the character and mystery of our great God...this is definitely something I would recommend! He even challenges his readers right from page one...you cannot read about God and encounter His Word (the Bible) and come away from it the same. You just can't. He urges his readers to reflect on what he writes about...to prove him right (or wrong) through Scripture...and (most importantly) to apply what we learn. You just gotta love that.

Till next time,
Melissa

P.S.--> I finally found the Christmas song that I hear every year...but never know what the title is! It is "Here With Us" by Joy Williams. I love it! You should most definitely check out this song.

I often find it funny how I stumble across the books that I read. It's all really very haphazard and random...which is surprising considering that reading is my absolute favorite thing of all to do. Book-hunting is almost like treasure-seeking at a flea market. Something catches your eye- a review, a book cover, a cover jacket blurb- and you pick up the book and hope it contains something special. That it is not just another book that will gather dust on your shelf. Oftentimes, the books are mediocre. But, every once in a while...you stumble across a real gem of a book. Something that shouldn't just be shelved after a single read. Something that you can pour over multiple times...and find new meanings every time. Something that speaks to you on a different level...makes you think about things in a different way...or brings to mind things that you want to forget but know that you shouldn't. Well, I've found a book like that...and it was in a very random way. (Yet again.)

In terms of my literary musings of late, I've been obsessed with Twilight. Reading it. Rereading it. Getting ready for the movie. Seeing the movie and loving it so much that I simply HAD to see it again. And so, I found myself perusing the moviefone webpage looking for Twilight showtimes, when an odd and seemingly out-of-place title caught my attention on the drop-down list of movies: "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas."

Odd, I remember thinking. What a strange name for a movie. Curiosity got the best of me, and I followed the link to an entirely different page than the one I had intended to visit. I watched the brief trailer for the new movie...and I was sold. A history movie. How cool. However, this particular movie was only playing in those artsy theaters in town...and I rarely ever go that far into town. Alas, I thought. I'll just have to wait for the DVD version.

And for some strange reason...I decided to google the title. And I realized it was a movie based upon a book. Great! I went to Borders the very next day and picked up the title...written by John Boyne, an Irish author. (Funnily enough..he spells 'pajamas' as 'pyjamas' throughout the entire book...but not on the cover.)

And so...I started to read this extremely interesting and engrossing take on the Holocaust. About two little boys (one the son of a German Commandant and the other a Jewish boy) who live on different sides of the fence at "Out-With." They are too young and naive to understand why they are separated by a fence...and they immediately form a deep friendship. We see the story through the eyes of Bruno (the German boy)...and the reader gets a peek at the Holocaust through the eyes of a child. What that must have seemed like for a boy living on the fringes of "Out-With." And...goodness gracious...I couldn't put it down...and the ending literally smashed into me like a train. I won't ruin it...in case you read this blog and decide to pick up the book for yourself...but I definitely feel that books of this kind NEED to be read in our schools. Students...and adults...need to read this book.

It was heart-breaking and unsettling.

If books can change a person...or get them to consider something they've never really considered (deeply) before...this book did it for me. Read it.

We need more books like this.

It's been quite a while, hasn't it? I guess this goes without saying these days, but I have been insanely busy with school. The semester is winding down, and I can hardly believe it is almost over! Honestly, where did all the time go?

I have finished ALL of my major projects for the semester, and that is a huge burden off my back! I am planning on hitting the books over Thanksgiving break to hopefully type out at least one chapter of my thesis, if not more. I haven't been the best manager of my time this semester...or else I just have had too many things to do and not enough time to do them...and my thesis has been placed on the back burner. I really just haven't had the time to sit down and write it. Sad, I know. I'm upset with myself for putting it off for so long, but I feel like I really haven't had a moment's break in month.

But the end is in sight! I have only a few more weeks till Christmas break...and then student teaching!

Moving along...

I sent off my first application for law school! Of course, the first application I managed to turn out was for UNC...but I suppose that goes without saying too. :)

The truth is, UNC is the ONLY school on my list that required different application essays than the regular law school, so I had to specially write out three essays for UNC's law school. It will all be worth it, of course, if I end up being accepted there! :)

I attended a law school fair at Davidson College the other week, and I was very pleased and surprised with the things I found out about UF Law School. Due to the conversation I had with the admissions counselor from UF Law, the school is now ranked second on my list of schools I want to attend...right behind Chapel Hill! The reason being...they have an EXCELLENT family law program at UF. It is actually one of te best in the country, and that is the area of law that I would like to specialize in. How cool is that!? I had no idea!! Needless to say, I was VERY thankful I went to the law school fair...because I would have never found out that information otherwise! :)

Anywho, all the remaining schools require the same type of essay, so I am writing it this weekend and sending off the remaining applications tomorrow! :)

Oddly enough, I am very thankful I've held off a bit longer to send off my applications because I've been receiving A LOT of application fee waivers in the mail from schools that I was planning to apply to anyway! UM...Baylor...Elon...Indiana U at Bloomington...those are the ones I've decided to use. I've received more, but they are for schools that I would never really consider attending (i.e., mostly schools in the Northeast). So that has definitely been a blessing because it is saving me a lot of money!

Now all that is left to do is wait...and trust that God is going to guide me along the right path. I've actually felt really at peace about my decision to apply to law school. With every application that I finish, it's like God is telling me that I've done my part, and now I just need to leave it in His hands. He will get me where I need to be. It's a great feeling...to know that you're on the right path, and that you can trust God to take care of everything. For instance, I've sworn off those law school websites where people post their stats and the schools they are applying to. It just gets me to worrying, and I forget that my future is in my Lord's hands, and I will go where He wants me to go. It's that simple!

Moving along...

I have the cutest story to share from my third graders. Kids are so awesome, and you can learn some pretty pwoerful stuff from just watching them and listening to them. It's really amazing. Case in point...

Every day near dismissal time, we do free writing with my third graders. It's a time for them to just reflect and to calm down for the end of the schoolday. The kids can use any writing format we have studied so far this year...which includes letters, poetry, and how-to's. I usually walk around and see what different types of things the kids are producing during this time. One little girl was writing a How-To based on "How-To Annoy Your Big Brother." Too cute. Finally, I walk past the desk of the sweetest, quietest, and more polite little girl you will ever meet. I usually don't have to watch her too closely because she is quite mature for her age...and she is rarely off task. She's also bright as a whip.

Anywho, I happen to glance down at what she is writing while I am moving about the room, and I practically fell over a chair when I glance at the title of her paper! She was writing a letter to God! I very discreetly watched what she was writing, and I won't put any of it here for privacy's sake, but it was a huge lesson for me in faith. The trust this little girl has in her God is amazing. And she writes her letters to Him like He is her best friend. I know of people who spend years and years and years pursuing theological degrees who still haven't been able to connect with God on the intimate level that this little girl has. I suppose this is one of the reasons I love working with kids...they have the imagination, creativity, and faith that adults don't have. Ever since I was a little girl, I've thought I would like to be Peter Pan...because he is a child forever and never grows up. Well, growing up definitely has its advantages, but I also think childhood has some advantages that adults don't really need to ever lose...and faith is one of them. Faith in its simplest form...just you, God, and the awesome relationship that exists between the two of you based on faith, love, and trust. How cool is that? Oh, let me always be a little kid at heart! :)

Anywho...I will close this blog by telling you about one more thing...

I was at the midnight premiere of Twilight on Thursday night/Friday morning!!! Ok. The books are great...wonderful...totally neat. Yah. Hard to beat them. But the movie!?! They nailed the books dead on! Rob Pattinson played Edward Cullen SO WELL that I actually believed he was Edward! He is just the perfect Edward! He played the part perfectly! I also loved how Bella was so clumsy and awkward. It was perfect!

Another surprise...I really loved the guy who played Carlisle Cullen! He did a great job with the role, I thought. He was so caring...and really bright (like he'd been around for hundreds of years)...and he managed to give that feeling of "Yah. I am different than you. But you'll never guess why that is so" throughout the whole movie. I loved it when Bella is sitting on the hospital table, and Carilsle is telling her that she should be fine. And she's saying, "Well, it was a good thing Edward was there. He got across that parking lot in a split second. It was amazing." Carisle just sort of looks at her from the corner of his eyes, and you can tell he's thinking, "Oh, this isn't good." Every scene was amazingly well done, but there was one scene that I loved the most of all. It actually wasn't in the book...but I thought it fit into the movie perfectly. It was the scene where Edward first brings Bella to meet his family, and they are all cooking Italian for her. Rosalie is like, "Why are we cooking this for her? We don't even know if she likes Italian." And Emmett looks at her like she's just said the stupidest thing and says, "Her name is Bella. That's Italian. Duh." Too funny! And I love when Alice hops out and says, "Oh Bella and I are going to be the best of friends one day!" And Bella just looked starstruck and says, "Ok." Jasper was great too...although I wish he had some more lines.

Funniest scene...where Bella first comes into the biology class, and Edward gets a whiff of her scent. And he's sitting there with his shirt over his nose like she smells horrid...and she sees him and covertly tries to smell her jacket to see if she really does smell! Haha! Too perfect!

Overall...great movie! You have to go check it out!!!

Till next time,
Melissa

Fall 2008 is here! The leaves are changing, the temperatures are dropping, and I am feeling that rush of excitement and anticipation that always accompanies a dip in temperatures. Something about the prospect of the coming Fall season always fills me with joy...I have no idea why, really. I just know that I look forward to this time of year more than any other. I suppose it is because it symbolizes the start of all my favorite occasions....

Halloween is October 31st. You've got pumpkins, cool breezes, and Fall leaves. Who doesn't love all that?! Following immediately on the heels of Halloween, the radio stations begin playing Christmas music ALL DAY on the weekends...which means I get to listen to my favorite music all day at work. The temperatures continue to drop...and Thanksgiving arrives. You get a day of awesome food and good time with family. The semester begins to wind down, and the season of Advent begins. Each week in church, another light on the Advent wreath is lit, counting down the weeks until the celebration of Christ's birth! Finally...Christmas! The best day of the year, in my humble opinion. Gotta love it. So much to be thankful for and look forward to during this time of year! :)

We got our first really decent cold front yesterday...and the temps are blustery chilly today!

Moving along...

I got some serious work done this week on all fronts of my college career. First, I gave the letter of recommendation forms to my professors. I also registered for the LSDAS, and I have all the transcript requests ready to go. My essays for Carolina Law are finished. Now, I just need to mail everything off!

In addition, I really knocked a huge chunk of my unit plan off. I have all the five full-length lesson plans completed. I also finished the first and second sections of the unit outline. Sooo...that leaves 8 sections left to type up for that, and four abbreviated lessons to type up. It may sound like a lot...but once those first five lesson plans are finished, everything else is essentially cut and paste. Not too shabby.

And finally...I have my honors committee fully in place and registered! All three professors have met with me and signed their names onto my honors contract! Plus, I can definitely see God working through all of this...I was starting to get very nervous about the expected length of this paper. I thought it had to be somewhere around 100 pages. I talked with my first reader, and he sounded shocked that I thought it was supposed to be that long. He took me into the room where they keep all the Master's and honors theses, and he showed me that most Master's theses are 100 pages! The honors theses are somewhere between 50-60 pages. He said...if I went over 60 pages...I'd only be punishing myself. Whew. It felt like the hallelujah chorus broke through into that little history conference room and sang at the top of their lungs...I was so happy and relieved. I can handle 50 pages. I've done 30 lickety-split. So...I am thanking God that this professor agreed to be on my honors committee...because he is probably the only person on there who looks at the project through realistic eyes. He knows its an undergrad thesis...not a graduate level thesis. And that is really important...

So, things are shaping up and starting to move. I am making serious headway into all these semester-long projects I've been boggled down with. Life is good...

I am actually looking forward to student teaching now. I was always really nervous about it...but I think it will be a nice change from the usual semester hullabaloo. I am so used to the five classes...loads of papers...loads of reading...that I think it will be really nice to do something different for a semester. Student teaching will be very time-consuming and taxing on me, I am sure...but it will be different. I'll be with my third graders all day, and I will be the teacher! I'll be writing lesson plans, grading papers, and teaching students. It's exciting and scary at the same time...but I am looking forward to it!

Moving along...

Last night, I had one of those "Aha!" moments. I really should NOT watch Hannity and Colmes before I hit the sack because it always riles me up and makes me want to argue politics with whoever is unfortunate enough to cross my path...but I did last night. Why? I wanted to hear some more chatter about the 'Joe the Plumber' and ACORN incidents. So I watched...and of course, you get your Republicans and your Democrats on there arguing with each other till they are blue in the face...and all I do is get more and more riled up over the state of our nation. I am feeling more and more confident in my belief that this nation is headed down the wrong path. We are abandoning our Republican heritage, and we're all too willing to swap it for socialism...European style. It seems that we are slowly making decisions and implementing policies that are slowly leading us down that pathway....and we're trying to find quick fixes to problems that don't have quick solutions...and each step we take brings us that much closer to a radically different form of government. I fear that one day people will wake up and realize that we are no longer the Republican stronghold of the world anymore...that we've bought into globalization so much that we have become just like our neighbors on the other side of the Atlantic. That will be a sad day, indeed....but I really don't see how we can stop that progression unless we honestly look at our nation....we need to glare at the obvious decay and make an honest effort to try and stop it before it is too late. But...will we do that? We're about to vote into office one of the MOST liberal and quasi-socialist members of the Senate into the seat of presidential power. America...what are we thinking!?

Yah...tangent...sorry. You can see I care deeply about the issues. And I also feel strongly that we are on the wrong path. I don't pretend to have the answers...I'm still learning about the problems...but I can recognize a glaring problem when I see it.

Another tangent. Anywho, back to where I was originally going with this portion of the blog...

So, I watch Hannity and Colmes...and it sets me all to pondering the future of our great nation...and I sit down to read my Bible. I read my Bible and spend some time in prayer every night (well...I try for every night)....I've been doing since I first accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior...oh, what? 7 years ago? I was a sophomore in high school...15 years old...so that would be about 7 years! Wow!

Anywho, I love how God's word is so alive, and how He can speak to you through it! It's really awesome to know that the God of all creation...the Mighty One...would speak to me, a little insignificant college student on planet Earth. It just blows my mind that He loves us that much...but, He does. And so...I am reading His word...and I am trying really hard to squeeze all my political fretting to the corners of my mind so they don't interfere with my time with Him. And...bam! Out of nowhere, it's like God spoke right ot me from a verse! I just stopped and stared at it for a long while...pondering the implications of what I had just read. Well, I suppose you want me to quote the verse for you, and I'll oblige you...

It's 1 Timothy 2: 1-4:

"I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. As you make your requests, plead for God's mercy upon them, and give thanks. Pray this way for kings and all others who are in authority, so that we can live in peace and quietness, in godliness and dignity. This is good and pleases God our Savior, for he wants everyone to be saved and to understand the truth."

When I read this, it was like God was telling me that I need to pray for the people in the election...even the people that I do not approve of. He is the Lord of everyone and everything...Republicans and Democrats alike...and my party affiliation should not impede on my duty to pray for those in authority. It was a reminder that I need to pray for the election and all those involved...and also a reassurance that God is in control. He knows who our next President will be. He's planned it all out, and it is still totally in His control. So, I don't need to worry and fret so much. I just need to pray for those in authority...and trust my Heavenly King to take care of the rest. Cool beans. :o)

And on that note...I think I will end this blog. I have a lot of homework that needs finishing...and it isn't gonna do itself!

Till next time,
Melissa

It appears as though the world's economy has decided to take a trip south, and the headlines of the newspaper for the past week have been consistently related to the looming financial crisis (and always backs up its claims with photos of exhausted-looking Wall Street brokers...and now brokers from around the world looking like they are experiencing the sour effects of food poisoning). I think the economic worries have really been influencing the Charlotte area a lot because we are the banking hub of the South. Wachovia has been teetering on the brink of collapse for about a year now, and it appears to have finally fallen. It's amazing to see how much the stock value for Wachovia has fallen in the past year; from near $50/share to $6/share. That's bleak...because it will cost the region a lot of jobs, and a lot of wealthy business people will pull out of the city. Not good. Not good for anyone, in the end.

In addition, it might shock you to find out that I have already lost a significant sum of money in the stock market. Here's a bit more on that interesting little bit of information...

I have an inheritance...given to me by my grandpa when I was born. I didn't even know it existed until yesterday. My Dad and his stock broker/money manager/whatever you wanna call him have been managing my inheritance money for me ever since I was a little girl. So...like any good money manager, he's been investing my money in lucrative stocks so that it will grow and produce a bigger sum when I am ready to take control of it. But, of course, there really is no way to disconnect yourself from a financial crisis when you have a large sum of money tied up in the stock market...and the market crashes. The broker said I would have had to pull out all my money a year ago to avoid losing the amount that I did in one week. Phooey. I won't tell you how much money I lost...suffice it to say that it is more money that I have ever had in my bank account...ever.

Yah. So the financial crisis hits home. ANd a part of me is a little miffed that I was not given control of my inheritance money immediately upon turning 18...or 21. I am an adult now people. I would have liked to delegate where my inheritance funds were invested....alas, that is not to be.

But, I suppose my loss is nothing compared to my parent's loss in the stock market. They took a hit at least 10 times as big as mine. So....I guess the whole financial crisis really does affect you...even if you remain blissfully ignorant to that fact.

And yet, I am thankful that God has provided for my family in spite of the crumbling walls of the money markets. My mom started a new job this week...something she is very excited about. And my dad is still doing great at his current place of employment. There is a lot to be thankful for in the midst of all the worry and talk of major financial losses.

In particular, I am actually VERY thankful that Wells Fargo bought out Wachovia. That is certainly MUCH better than the alternative, which was a proposed buyout of Wachovia by Citigroup at $1/share. The way this whole crisis went down was almost like something out of a movie. Wachovia officials were hours away from signing their own death certificates and handing them over to Citigroup...when Wells Fargo calls the Wachovia big cheeses in the middle of the night to offer them a $15 billion buyout for the banks' shares. Wachovia, of course, accepts...because Citigroup was forcing them to commit suicide...and Citigroup blows a gasket at the "underhanded dealings" of Wells Fargo. The government throws its weight around and makes all three banks promise to sort this all out by the end of the week...or they will step in and solve it for them. So...they sit down at some huge brokering table at an undisclosed location...and Wells Fargo emerges victorious...with Citigroup still promising to pursue legal claims in the courts. Poo to you, Citigroup. You are greedy, and selfish, and despicable...and it is businesses like you who have helped to ruin our economy. You are like the Ebenezer Scrooge of banks. Greed. Greed. Greed. Bah humbug.

Anywho...

I suppose there is a lesson to be learned out of all of this. If anything, I think it should just remind people of Who is really in control. It would be all too easy for people to freak and lose control and walk around in the street bemoaning the gloom and doom of the capitalist markets. But...hope is not lost!! It never was, and it never will be!! Because you just need to remember the One who is ultimately in control of all things. And He is perfectly capable of handling ANY crisis...because everything pales in comparison to His greatness and might. Yah...so don't worry, because God has a plan...and nothing can EVER frustrate it. Not financial crises...not world market turmoil...not government and business greed and corruption. The Lord Jesus has it all under control. So..fear not! :)

Moving along...

I don't really know how to start out this next portion of my blog...did I realize it? Did I come to it? Did I stumble upon it? Did God throw it right in front of my face so that it was impossible to miss? Or was it more of a gradual understanding of life and my place in this great drama we call life?

I don't know. But, I had one of those huge, life-altering moments a few days ago. And it wasn't something that hit me all at once...but once I realized what it was...it certainly felt that way.

I know what I want to do with my life. I know with a certainty that has given me so much peace about the matter that it is literally unbelievable that I never saw it before. You may think this is something that is totally obvious...but it wasn't for me...until a few days ago.

I want to help children. I want to serve them. I want to protect them...I want to use the gifts God has given me to speak out and fight for those who do not have a voice. I want to be a lawyer because I can use my training and my knowledge of the law to fight for the rights and safety of the ones who are so often trampled by the system. I want to make a difference in the lives of people around me...I don't want to live my life for myself. I want to live it working for the people that the world has shoved aside. The poor...the homeless...the starving...the little ones who have been rejected by those who should have cared for them. I suppose I always knew this...but this week has thrown it into sharp contrast to the other possible paths I was considering for my life.

I want to be a lawyer, and I know that now with a certainty that helps everything else in my academic career to fall into place. I feel like God has been leading me up to this point my entire life, and I've only just now realized it. When I was a little girl, I used to tell people that I wanted to be a lawyer and a judge when I grew up...and I was serious back then. I also told folks that I wanted to adopt a baby from China. What kind of a kid sets goals like that for herself when she is barely able to grasp the reality that there is more to the world than her own zip code? I must have been an interesting little tyke growing up....because my family has told me that I've been wanting the same things and telling people about my plans to adopt a child ever since I was a young kid. I remember getting the strangest looks from random people who would ask me that question. My answer was always the same...and it has taken me 22 years to finally realize that I quite possibly knew my career path ever since I was a child. It's like one of those moments when you feel something...and I can't put a finger on the exact words of what I now know in my heart to be true...but I know what God is calling me to pursue right now, in this moment, in this season of my life. And it is so exhilarating and exciting and frightening all at the same time.

I've always wanted to be a lawyer, but I listened to people in my life who told me it was a crazy and stupid dream...and I squashed it deep into the recesses of mind. But, the dream never really went away. I guess you can't keep dreams locked away forever...because they always find a way of bursting back onto the scene. The lawyer dream is alive and thriving. It's been growing more and more...but I kept pushing it back down...because I thought it was wrong not to pursue the paths that everyone else wanted me to follow. I'm such a people pleaser...and it is so awful because I almost missed the boat!

Yet, I can see how God worked in my life to make sure that this path, in this time and place, was open to me when I needed to make this decision.

I took the LSAT last summer. Why? I have no idea. I did it on a whim, and I did very well. It got me to thinking, "Maybe I shouldn't discount this just yet." And I confided my thoughts to my parents...and they supported it! My Mom discouraged me from this path when I was a little girl. She told me that she just didn't see me becoming a lawyer. Ten years later...my Mom tells me that she now thinks it is the perfect choice for me, and that she can see I've been heading in this direction for a long time. While I may have been shy and timid as a child...those traits have worn and changed over the years, and I am not the same girl I used to be. I'm more outspoken...and willing to argue my point...and stand up for what I think is right. My family agreed with me that THIS was a wise decision on my part. They support it!

And I really stared the Ph.D. in the face, and I was not really too surprised to realize that it is truly not something I want to pursue right now. I don't fancy spending my life holed up in an office writing research books for the rest of my life. I think I always knew this...but I was afraid to admit it. I've finally gotten up the courage to admit it to myself. I don't want to be the scholar...because I feel like that will be a life lived for myself. It will be selfish...because I will be writing and researching for myself and other historians. And I don't want to live that way.

It's just so amazing and wonderful...and I feel like a huge burden that I have been slugging around for months has finally fallen off my shoulders! I KNOW what I am working towards, and it just gives a refreshing jump start to everything I am currently working on.

God is totally awesome and wonderful and amazing...because He plans things that are more amazing and wonderful than anything I dared to dream for myself! I kept my plans small and my dreams pint-sized...and all the while He was holding out super-sized adventures for me! :)

Whew. That was a mouthful. But...you should have expected it...because I did not update last week. A double entry for this week due to the lack of a blog last week! :)

I'll cut it off now. I wouldn't want it getting too long. ;)

Ok. I lied. I just remembered one more thing I need to blog about...or else I will have to bore everyone around me with my crazy, fan-girl rantings...

I finally, finally, finally saw the official and FINAL full-length trailer for Twilight!! It was SOOOOOO good! Oh. My. Goodness. So good. I can't wait for that movie! R. Patzz...the guy playing Edward Cullen is so perfect for the role. Ok. Edward Cullen is a 100 year-old vampire who was born in 1908 Chicago....so, he needs to have that old-fashioned flair about him. And Robert Pattinson nailed it. He's British...so he has to use an American accent...and he somehow managed to get a Marlon Brando-type accent. It's classic. It's perfect! I love it when they're in the forest, and he's like, "Say it. Out loud. Say it." And Bella is like, "Vampire." Perfect. Too perfect. And the two leads have so much chemistry. It is going to be a great movie! I can't wait!!

Ah! One more thing. Just one. I promise!

I have started a new book series. I'm reading the Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini. I'm about halfway through "Eragon," and it is really good! I guess I am more of a fantasy junkie than I ever realized. It's a great story. I know I should probably be focusing on my history honors thesis and all the myriads of other projects I need to finish...but I can't not read something for fun. I read "Eragon" whenever I have a break....and usually at night before I go to sleep. It's been making for some interesting dreams, for sure! Anywho, I'll blog more next week on what I think of the whole series.


Till next time,
Melissa

P.S....

2 new songs that you need to check out. For all my readers who are fans of country music...check out Taylor Swift's new song 'Love Story.' It is so cute...all about a country Romeo and Juliet. You will love it, I promise.

Jeremy Camp also has a new song out, and I totally love it. This guy writes from a place that I can barely fathom....he's so young to have experienced everything he has. And yet, God has taken his trials and sorrows and turned them into something great for His glory. "There Will Be A Day" is an AWESOME song. Listen to it...you will be glad you did.